Late Night Rant, No. (I lost count)

Well here I am again. Upset. Panicking. Bawling my eyes out. Leave it to me to have fucked something up again.

Though I joke around a lot, all I do is hide the pain that lays below. Always the one to ask others how they are, but than not surprised when not reciprocated.

There for others when they are in need. But not in return. There for the jokes, only until you realized it was them whom were mocking and jeering at you, and not with you.

You realize there is still emotions hidden inside of you. That no matter how hard you wish to pretend don’t ex is always tend to surface the most.

To pretend that I am funny, clever, smart, good looking. Which am I? I am none.

A temporary relief. Just a breath of warm air, on the cold winter day.

I have never been asked if I ever considered leaving this school. I question this frequently myself. What if I did, who would miss me? I was questioning this earlier today. And this tonight, that seems to show my worth real well. I am an extra in the movie studded with stars.

I am expendable and nonessential. I am myself and a part of everything and nothing at once.

I know not where to proceed but I know I am still mortal by the emotional pain I have felt


i hate it when my “friends” just dismiss something i’m really passionate about like “oh you’re talking about that again” like shut up don’t ruin this for me do you know how many times i’ve pretended to care or even genuinely tried to get interested in what you like????? the least you could do is fake it rather than making me feel like a burden

(Source: elizabethoslen, via dan-motherfucking-smith)